Monday, July 9, 2007

dear michael jackson,


i miss you. we all miss you. the real m. j., not this whatever that's hiding in the middle east. you were so big. you could be big again. let's face it - it hasn't been really good since "bad." reinvent yourself. i'll help:


1. go to a tanning salon

2. grow the fro back

3. get a new producer (timbaland, rick rubin, somebody besides quincy jones for crissake!)

4. release a sex tape of you with a really hot woman (over 18, and yes, female)

5. relax. stop covering your face. your children's faces. stop calling your kid "blanket".

6. do some good. help some people. capture it on camera.

7. be real. open. honest.

8. release a new album that is actually good. get some kick-ass guest stars.

9. get drunk. punch somebody in the face. to prove you are a "man." you need some street cred.


it's not too late. "thriller" was, and still is the best pop album every created. you are not dead, although if you had died tragically after "bad" you may have been better off.

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